Former Driver Retired With Honor

by Dan Roberts

Dear Driver’s License Inspector,

Yesterday you granted me the privilege of driving for another six years. Because I could read the largest line of numbers with my one remaining eye under perfect lighting conditions, you determined that my vision was good enough to allow me behind the wheel.

But do you know I have a chronic retinal disease which could take away my remaining functional vision before you test me again? Do you know I have poor night vision, serious problems with glare, and low contrast sensitivity? Do you know that I have backed full speed into a tree I didn’t see, almost pulled into the path of a truck that appeared out of “nowhere”, and drove the wrong way down a one-way street? You didn’t ask me. Instead, you have allowed me to negotiate the highways with drunks, druggies, neurotics, and sleep-deprived drivers all speeding less than ten feet apart on the way to places they just have to be, no matter what the cost. Do you really want to add me to the mix?

In case you are having second thoughts, I want you to know that I have decided to be one less driver for you and your family to worry about. Like a certificate for over a half century of distinguished service, my shiny new license, and its mug shot of an old guy I just met, will remain safely tucked away behind my Medicare and AARP membership cards. It was a tough decision, but someone had to make it.

Thank you for your trust in me, but now the only way I am going to meet your family on the road is as that guy smiling at you proudly from the passenger window.

Sincerely yours,

A Former Driver
Retired with Honor