And God created light,
So Mankind could view the colors of Earth.
Then Satan created ultraviolet rays,
And Mankind covered his eyes.
And God created a bounty of fruits and vegetables,
For the better sight of Mankind.
Then Satan created tobacco,
And Mankind inhaled.
And God created intelligence,
So Mankind could build machines for seeing and learning.
Then Satan created ignorance,
And Mankind published manuals in small fonts and large words.
And God created language,
So Mankind could freely share knowledge.
Then Satan created greed,
And Mankind invented subscription fees.
And God created empathy,
So Mankind might help itself to heal.
Then Satan created insurance,
And Mankind invented HMOs.
And God spoke to Satan, saying,
“I have given to Mankind many wondrous things,
That he might see with the eyes of an eagle,
And you have thwarted me at every turn.
Don’t you have anything better to do?”
Then Satan sneered and created hopelessness,
And Mankind began to drown in self-pity.
So God raised Mankind high above the earth, saying,
“Behold all that I have given you.
Why do you let the shadows in your eyes
Dim the light in your mind?”
Then God grabbed Satan by the horns,
And flung him into the realm of the visually-impaired,
Who then awoke in great numbers and
Set about giving the devil Hell.
And Satan cried, “I thought you people were blind!”
“We may be,” they said, “but together, we see you very clearly.”
So the devil retreated in haste to his dark domain,
Where he ruled over the sighted who chose not to see.
And there he remained, befuddled, for the rest of his days.